I am down the the last drops of diluted iced tea, on the last day of the week, waiting for the last office hours to run down quickly. Maybe I can prolong my tea for that long. It really has helped this day go by more quickly. This was an unpleasantly eventful week, and I'm only retelling the story to remind myself how lucky I am to still have my legs.
Last Saturday, I woke up so deliriously excited that I could take my parents kayaking. I assumed that they had not been before, and Derek and I had just purchased hardshell kayaks for an incredible deal. This was money that I had not anticipated spending, but we had never seen kayaks for so great a price in the two years that we have been looking. We did have a lot of fun on the trip. It was worth the giddy anticipation. IF I was so excited that my parents had never been kayaking, then I should have considered that an hour and a half trip might have taken four for newbies unable to move forward...on a moving river. I don't judge. I forgot that I tired out in ten minuets trying to learn how to paddle correctly years ago.
The sunscreen had unfortunately been left in the wrong car. We would only be gone an hour, right? What is sunscreen anyway? Stinky lotion? No. Very much no...lotion from God. I had not realized that was what sunscreen really was. That thought was on my mind. I had not realized that more than $100 later, I would only be able to dream of what life would have been this week had we remembered the sunscreen.
I came back burnt. So did everyone. I can't say that it was even the worse looking burn I've ever had in my life. Three and a half hours under the death rays of the sun without any shade would take a tole on anyone. I didn't think it was a big deal. I am no wimpy girl. I've been sunburned a hundred million times. In May, we went to Tybee Island in celebration of graduation. I confess, because no one reads this, that I did NOT put on sunscreen then. I KNOW! This means I lied to all my coworkers who cried on my behalf when I came back to work, looking as if I had been dipped in red-purple paint, or wearing the wrinkled skin of a pale, eighty year old Aborigine. I did lie to you. I told you that I did not put on enough rather than none at all, so I wouldn't look completely hopeless. Everything burned and stung for about three days, but you know the drill. Eventually you ask for assistance in skin peeling, or gross others out from the trail of skin dandruff left in your pathway. I was told I would never forget the sunscreen again. Wow, people have such faith in me.
A few weeks later, I helped my parents in a yard sale. We were busy. The sunscreen wasn't even considered. Again, I burnt my face and arms. I wore long sleeves that week so no one would notice. Nothing like proving imbecility, but I did last Saturday anyway.
After the kayak trip, I was feeling sick. I tried to buy a venti Starbuck's iced coffee, and establish friendships with the employees like always. It didn't even make me feel better. It ALWAYS does. I was told that Saturday night, in bed, I started screaming about my legs, and crying louder than Derek had ever heard me cry before. I don't remember this. I remember being unable to sleep well. Derek said that I had scared him, and that he stayed up with me for about an hour. He tried to put aloe with painkillers on my legs, and gave me Advil. I remember being in a lot of pain, and then the pain subsiding so that I could sleep. That was the beginning of my relationship to Advil.
The next morning, I tried to get up to go to the bathroom, and fell to the floor. I couldn't put any weight on my legs. I felt paralyzed! I didn't know that my legs had gone into shock, and weren't working right. They weren't burning or stinging. The burns on my legs were numb, but my muscles were in a lot of pain. I felt like my legs were broken. I got back up in bed using only my arms. I stayed in bed until 12:30p. Derek had to carry my down the stairs when I started hating the bed. I tried several times to walk that day, but really couldn't. I was planning on taking Monday off, but I had to deliver birthday ingredients at work, and toughed it out. All I could do was waddle. My right legs was almost completely useless. I was waddling AND limping. By Monday afternoon, my legs were double in size. I've never been in so much pain in my entire life. I felt like I should have been in a wheelchair. The burn itself was still numb. Advil was my only comfort. Derek told me to take three, and I just took three whenever the pain became unbearable again. I knew that I was taking a minimum of 9 Advil a day. I've never seen my legs grow so big, and on Tuesday night I weighed myself out of curiosity. The swelling wasn't just my imagination. I was shocked. I had gained seven pounds in four days.
On Wednesday, I thought that the pain had gotten just unbearable. I took more Advil that morning. During my lunch, I had stopped to rub my feet, because they were really starting to hurt. My feet and ankles had more than doubled in size. They weren't even burnt. They looked deformed. I couldn't see my ankle bones! My feet were gross blobs. I tried to arrange an emergency doctor's appointment. I've never had this reaction before to a sunburn, and couldn't understand why things were getting worse instead of better. I couldn't understand how swelling like this had anything to do with a sunburn.
They scheduled me in. I was weighed, and found that in one day, I had gained another pound! I had second degree burns on the tops of my legs and on one shin, sun poisoning, and severe first degree burns everywhere else. The rest were first degree burns that I would get over. She pressed on my bubble feet, which were starting to form blue bruises. My knees were huge, and I was in a lot of pain. She said that if I took a diuretic, the sunburn would get worse, and so I would have to wait out the swelling. I was supposed to take off two days from work keeping my feet up, taking acetaminophen with codine, and putting silvidin cream on my legs. She asked me if I was taking anything already. I said that I was taking at least 9 Advil a day. She said, "NO NO NO NO! Advil retains water, and that is why this is not getting better!" The thing that had become my closest friend was killing me. I was already retaining water, and the Advil caused more water to go straight to my legs. Did you know that Advil did that? Derek and my coworkers wondered how they didn't notice I was popping so much Advil in my mouth through the day. The doctor said that I should have gone to the hospital on Sunday. Feeling paralyzed like I did is the first sign of something much worse than a sunburn. I spent a lot of money on Wednesday having made now two bad decisions in a row. I still wonder what would have happened if I never went to the doctor, and continued taking Advil.
Today is Friday. The nightmare is behind me. I didn't take off work, and have survived. HA, I'm no wimpy girl. Today is Friday, and I've lost about three pounds between yesterday morning and this morning. I must be doing something right. My legs fit into my pants again, my feet into my shoes. My shins still hurt, and my upper legs feel funny, but I can walk normally. I can wiggle my feet again. I don't cry at night anymore. I won't talk about the oozing that is occurring, but it's a good sign for me. I can feel my legs again. Can you? Isn't it wonderful? Don't take it for granted!
This weekend, I'm not supposed to do anything, but I will likely go kayaking tomorrow. I still love the river. I'm not so thrilled about the sun. I think it's spiteful, and would think bad things about it if I didn't have a lovely garden. However, this time the redundant message is being considered, "Betcha never forget sunscreen again." You bet I won't.
I am still looking out for the perfect job. I wonder now if I'm already in it, but then I know I'm not, because I'm not satisfied. You know you are satisfied, if in your life plans, you don't list a new job as first on the "next to do" list. I don't want to think about having a baby until I'm in that "new job"....so then, God, do you think that I am ready? I did hear back from the aforementioned interview. It has been nearly a month since I had heard from them first, and I really appreciated the notice. I knew in my heart after the interview that it was not the dream job I was waiting for, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I wonder if I'm looking for the right thing hard enough. I wonder if I know what I'm looking for.
The thought that I can walk again is more relief than a new job. I wonder if that is something that I'm meant to realize right now. Being full, being healthy, being happy. I AM thankful. Does satisfaction take just as much priority though?
